I never expected to resume my academic life in my forties. So ambivalent were my feelings after my undergraduate experience that it was a decade before I embarked on a teaching qualification, leaving the world of business to return to education. I’m now a parent-carer, in full-time employment; daily life is busy. Yet here I am, in year 1 of a professional doctorate in education, knowing simultaneously that it is the right choice and that I am terribly late to the party – maybe too late?

I am by no means the only mature student on my programme, nor the only parent. Yet the fact remains that the UK landscape of higher education is ‘designed largely on the basis of the stereotypical “traditional” student (young, full-time and without dependents)’, (Cronshaw et al., 2021). It is well documented that mothers pursuing doctoral study are navigating a complex set of conflicting priorities, often dealing with crushing guilt as they veer between personal, professional and academic commitments, feeling they do none of them justice (Webber & Dismore, 2021). For many of us, a peripheral involvement in the research community seems to be all we can access (Cronshaw et al., 2021). This makes the ‘doctoral socialisation’ required to fully embrace a new identity as researcher (Gardner, 2010) a far more elusive goal. As in-person attendance at workshops, academic conferences and other student events is simply incompatible with my family’s daily routines, it was initially difficult to resist a sense of being a marginalised voice.

‘Although we might hope that UK universities are leading the way with progressive approaches to inclusive practice, a recent report found otherwise.’

‘Inclusivity’: is it happening?

Compounding this sense of marginalisation is the fact that I am disabled. Although we might hope that UK universities are leading the way with progressive approaches to inclusive practice, a recent report found otherwise. Only 45 per cent of UK students who declared a disability confirmed that their university approved all viable adjustments to make their experience as equal as possible to the experience of a non-disabled student (Disabled Students UK, 2023); the percentage of students who said that the adjustments approved were then implemented was even lower, at only 36 per cent. My disabilities are what might be referred to as ‘non-visible’, and although there is more awareness than when I was an undergraduate in the 1990s, the ‘hierarchy of disability’ effect (Stewart, 2014) persists, with some disabilities mistakenly perceived as more genuine or debilitating than others. Some disabilities are still tainted by the distorting lens of attribution theory – the notion that the individual is somehow to blame for, or in control of, them (Weiner et al., 1988). Awareness of this stigma has, historically, inhibited my willingness to declare mine.

Authenticity: making it happen

However, as a mature researcher, I’m at peace with every aspect of my identity in a way I simply couldn’t be as an undergraduate. And through advocating for my fabulous autistic son, I’ve realised that being authentic is everything. If I want to be part of the inclusive society I hope my children grow up in, I cannot mask who I am any longer. So, I asked for adjustments. To my relief, the metaphorical sky did not come falling down. Instead, there were constructive conversations with faculty leaders, who were keen to remove barriers. My supervisor – a brilliant young academic – has worked with me from the outset in a way I can access. Younger generations are ‘woke’ in the most fabulous sense of the word, and I can see the positive change which has occurred in my lifetime, although there is still a considerable way to go so that all disabled students’ needs are met.

I’m late to the party, then. But I’m here on my own terms. While I can raise a glass to that, it seems that I am one of the lucky ones. Universities still have some way to go to achieve true equality of opportunity for all disabled students.

References

Cronshaw, S., Stokes, P., & McCullough, A. (2021). Mothers doing doctorates part-time – why do we make it harder than it needs to be? Global Focus: The EFMD Business Magazine.

Disabled Students UK. (2023). The Access Insights 2023 Report. https://disabledstudents.co.uk/research/access-insights-2023-report/

Gardner, S. (2010). Contrasting the socialization experiences of doctoral students in high- and low-completing departments: A qualitative analysis of disciplinary contexts at one institution. Journal of Higher Education, 81(1), 61–81.

Stewart, R. (2014). The ‘really disabled’: Disability hierarchy in John Hockenberry’s ‘Moving violations’. Review of Disability Studies, 1(2).

Webber, L., & Dismore, H. (2021). Mothers and higher education: Balancing time, study and space. Journal of Further and Higher Education, 45(6), 803–817.

Weiner, B., Perry, R. P., & Magnusson, J. (1988). An attributional analysis of reactions to stigmas. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 55, 738–748.